dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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