and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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