Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
