last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
