In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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