my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
