I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
