So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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