I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
