May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
