we have pet lesbian snakes
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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