wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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