best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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