I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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