I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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