Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
