Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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