Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize