i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
