So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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