Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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