Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize