i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
