Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
