I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
