Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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