I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
