Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
