I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize