She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
third nipple confirmed
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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