This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
50% drunk capacity currently
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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