The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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