Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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