a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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