It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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