She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize