peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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