We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
