wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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