Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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