Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
