Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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