The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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