there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
