I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
