Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
