alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
