You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
