Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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