Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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