This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
