i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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