i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize