I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
