i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
