You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize