We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
