So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
