i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
