i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
