Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
