BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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