Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
