It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
