I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
