i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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