Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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