My ATM looks so different sober.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
