I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
