we're chasing vodka with high fives
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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