is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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