im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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