i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
