Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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