Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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