my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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