and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
