he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
