You just made me feel so damn special
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
