why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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