so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
