Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
