i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
