normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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