I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
