Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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