The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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