Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
